How's It Gonna Be
by oneconspiracy
Summary: She's only pretty sure that she can't take anymore.


It's been this way for a while now. Both Demi and Selena knew it was gonna come down to this eventually. The media said that they were going down different paths. Their careers were spiraling off in opposite directions. But Selena didn't believe that, not for one second.

She couldn't even tell you exactly _what_ went wrong. Because she doesn't know herself. It was a mix of different reasons but when it came down to it, time and separation were the main source of their tragic downfall. It began as going for days without each other but they bounced back time after time. Days then turned into weeks as tours and shootings became scheduling conflicts. Yet, they still managed to hold onto each other as tightly as they could. Weeks soon expanded to months. And with their separation came the silence. The silence would be the most fundamental deteriorator and definitive destroyer of their relationship.

It had been the third consecutive week of summer separation that Selena noticed a change. Sure, the texts had decreased greatly in numbers and the calls became even less frequent but that was nothing unusual. Then she noticed the way Demi would never stay on the phone with her longer than five minutes at a time. She always had something to do or someone to see. It pained her to think that she was making time for everyone but her. It was going into the middle of the first month of not seeing each other that she noticed Demi beginning to change. Selena saw her changing and moving at a rapid pace while she stayed there, untouched and motionless.

But Demi wasn't solely the one to blame for the break in their relationship. Selena contributed as much as her, Demi was just the catalyst. Selena too stopped sending her usual barrage of texts and phone calls. Instead she started ignoring Demi's texts and stopped taking her calls even if she had nothing else better to do. She let her frustration and insecurities get the better of her when she should have at least tried to find out what the cause of the problem with Demi was. Because no matter what they would always, _always_, need each other.

When Demi finally came home it was different. There were no bodies pressed tightly together in a hug, no screams of excitement, no animated talking, no holding hands, no crushing of lips on lips, no tugging at clothes, no fiery sex on the living room floor, no whispers in the dark, and certainly no words of promise. There was only silence and then there was an explosion. Where the two of them used to laugh there became a shouting match. It sounded as sharp as a thumbnail scratch and filled with silences Selena couldn't ignore.

It happened again every time for weeks afterward. Demi would leave, then come back and they would fight before one of them had to leave again. Later they would have a rushed make up through text so they could simply pretend that everything was all right, that they weren't falling apart at each other's feet, until the next time they were alone and it escalated into another intense argument.

Demi started to lace messages in those tweets, messages only Selena would be able to understand. It stung, it burned, and it ravaged her insides like an erratically traveling bullet. It still hurts. But she keeps perfect silence because there's not much she can say. She's helped tear down and rip apart the one thing meant most to her in the world. Actually, it still means the world to her, only now she'd give anything to repair their fractured relationship.

Selena can't help but cry as she thinks of how they've progressed from being best friends so deeply in love with each other that they'd drop everything for time together to these vicious, cold, rancorous, spiteful little girls who filled the void by overworking and spending time with anyone that wasn't each other. Selena knew that after their last fight the two stopped talking to each other completely. It was the fight in which Demi crossed the invisible line and Selena's only pretty sure that she can't take it anymore.

She wonders how it got this far. What were they even fighting for? Because even she can't remember anymore. Were they fighting for their relationship or their friendship? Did they break in the face of separation or was it the ignorance? Did they falter because of the silence or was it the harsh words they yelled? Had they grown apart because of the other people they were hanging around or each other? Did the absents of reconciliation stem from the lack of compromise or the irreconcilable differences? What had destroyed their closeness? Had change done them in or had it been the stability and predictability? Was Demi to blame or was it Selena?

No matter how many questions she asked she was never going to get an answer. All she knows is that she wants to get out of this. It destroys her heart the more she thinks about it and still does absolutely nothing. She's breaking from the inside out. With every day gone by a little bit more of her slips away under the façade she's built up. Except there's always a sliver that manages to seep through and shine like a beacon of hope. The one person who was meant to see that hope was the only person not looking. And she's only pretty sure that she can't take it anymore.

Selena knows this is the end of everything. This would be the final fight. And she can't help but wonder how it's gonna be from now on. How's it gonna be when Demi doesn't know her anymore? How's it gonna be when she's sure that the other girl isn't there? How's it gonna be when Selena's not around? How's it gonna be when Selena sees Demi and her world crumbles but there's no one there to see her break? How does someone fix something they don't know is broken? How's her life gonna be?

Demi walks in the door and all Selena can think about is if there's anything she's gonna miss. Because she knows she's missing things already. The Demi that walks in the door is not the Demi she befriended and fell so profoundly in love with. This Demi has become a product of her environment. She's a product of scrutiny, insecurities, famewhores, and pressure. Demi's a jumbled mess of emotions and ideas that she can't figure out the arrangement for. Her thoughts weren't as simple as the music she wrote. They were more complex than any eighth note combinations she could possibly put together.

Selena watches Demi from the corner of her eye, staring only at the ground. She can already feel the tears coming to her eyes. They haven't spoken words in months. The air is filled with a tension that's bearing down on their shoulders like the weight of the world. And in some strange way this is the weight of the world. Their friendship is now watched by millions of prying eyes, complicated and fragile instead of simple and strong. This moment could be the difference between media upheaval and quiet confidence.

She inhales sharply and it sounds like a thousand shards of glass hitting the floor of a silent room. Demi flinches in anticipation. She knows what comes next and so does Selena. But she's not gonna let it happen this time. The brutal pounding of her heart and an aching pain are her indications that this is it. Selena lifts her head and the eyes staring back at her make her insides weep.

As she looks into those stony brown eyes that used to hold such warmth, she can't help but wonder. How's it gonna be, Demetria? How's it gonna be when it goes down? How's it gonna be when there's no one there to talk to? How's it gonna be when you find out there's nothing between you and me? How's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore? How's it gonna be?

Demi sees the devastation in Selena's eyes and she drops all pretenses. There's no point in carrying on with this charade when Selena has that look on her face. It's a face filled with despondency and it snaps her heart in two because she knows that Selena thinks she doesn't care anymore. But Demi does care, she always has and she always will. The way Selena's looking at her increases that pit of dread in her stomach. She still doesn't want to completely lose the other girl but she can already feel her slipping away. Demi can't keep quiet anymore.

"Selena," She draws the name out. It's the first word Demi's said to Selena in months. "I…"

But she stops and looks down, Selena's gaze piercing. She doesn't know what to say and she doesn't think there's anything she can say. Demi looks back up into Selena's sad, watery eyes and feels her own eyes dampen. She knows that they've done more damaged to each other than they've ever done before. Demi can't let them go on like this anymore, not when it's killing both of them equally. So instead of risking words she lets every feeling consume her and watches as Selena sees her eyes melting. They're doing what they do best, communicating silently with their eyes. Because their eyes say so much more than their voices ever could.

Demi keeps staring at Selena and then she sees it. That unspoken word. She sees her forgiveness and she chokes out a laugh because she's never been more thankful for Selena's big heart. Demi's also pretty sure Selena can see the same thing reflected in her own eyes, tinted with hints of confusion, regret, and misery. It's that moment that they both feel the air in the room shift from tension to acceptance. They know they've screwed up so much but the need for each other is still too great for either of them to resist.

Demi's laugh turns into a sob as the tears find their way down her face, her tightly constructed walls collapsing in a way only Selena has the ability to cause. She runs the remaining distance between them before launching herself into Selena's arms, tightly gripping onto her lifeline. As Demi crashes into her, the breath is knocked from her lungs but she can't deny how right this feels. There're so many unanswered questions and issues that need to be resolved but now isn't the time. For now they're content to do nothing but cling to each other and let the tears fall.

Selena knows that they're not unfixable. She knows that no matter how deeply they splinter they're always gonna come back together. They have at age 17 what most people in their 30's don't have. With Demi in her arms, face buried in her neck sobbing her heart out and both of them choking out whispered 'I'm sorry's' with every breath, she knows they can fight it. Because it's who they are and what relationship they have.

Time, distance, separation, and differences were irrelevant in the end. They could evolve and be manipulated into different people but that would never change who they are. And she realizes that she doesn't care how it's gonna be.


End file.
